Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends & Influence People

  1. Part One: Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

    1. "If You Want to Gather Honey, Don't Kick Over the Beehive"
      1. Speak ill of no man. Think nothing negative of anyone. Attempt to understand before criticizing.
    2. The Big Secret of Dealing with People
      1. People crave appraciation. to feel important. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
    3. "He Who Can Do This Has the Whole World with Him. He Who Cannot Walks a Lonely Way"
      1. Talk in terms of what the other person wants. No benefit is given us that does not serve another's desire.
      2. See things from the other person's point of view.
      3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

  4. Part Two: Six Ways to Make People Like You

    1. Do This and You'll Be Welcome Anywhere
      1. "It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from such individuals that all human failures spring." -- Alfred Adler What Life should Mean to You
      2. Become genuinely interested in other people.
    2. A Simple Way to Make a Good First Impression
      1. "A man without a smiling face does not open a shop" -- Chinese proverb
      2. Smile.
    3. If You Don't Do This, You Are Headed for Trouble
      1. A person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
    4. An Easy Way to Become a Good Conversationalist
      1. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
    5. How to Interest People
      1. Talk in terms of the other person's interests
    6. How to Make People Like You Instantly
      1. Ask yourself "What is it about that person that I can honestly admire?"
      2. Remark positively about to them and in front of others.
      3. Always make the other person feel important -- and do it sincerely.

  6. Part Three: How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

    1. You Can't Win an Argument
      1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
      2. If you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it because
        1. A man convinced against his will
          is of the same opinion still.
      3. Avoid making your apponent look inferior.
      4. Here's a challenge for a debate: Avoid saying the word "But."
    2. A Sure Way of Making Enemies-- and How to Avoid It
      1. If you can't be sure of being right 55% of the time, why should you tell other people they are wrong?
      2. You can tell people they are wrong by a look or an intonation or a gesture just as eloquently as with words...a direct blow to their intelligence, judgement, pride, and self-respect.
      3. Men must be taught as if you taught them not
        And things unknown proposed as things forgot. -- Alexander Pope
      4. You cannot teach a man anything;
        you can only help him find it within himself. -- Galileo
      5. Be wiser than other people if you can;
        but do not tell them so -- Lord Chesterfield to his son
      6. One thing only I know, and that is that I know nothing -- Socrates
      7. Show respect for the other person's opinion. Never say "You're wrong."
    3. If You're Wrong, Admit It
      1. Quickly and Emphatically
    4. A Drop of Honey
      1. "...if you would win a man to your cause, first convince him that you are his sincere friend. Therein is a drop of honey that catches his heart; which, say what you will, is the great high road to reason." -- Abraham Lincoln
      2. Begin in a friendly way.
    5. The Seceret of Socrates
      1. Don't begin by discussing the things on which you differ. Begin by emphasizing--and keep on emphasizing--the things on which you agree. This sets the psychological process of the listeners moving in the affirmative direction.
      2. If someone says no, its not merely "no", the whole neuromuscular system, in short, sets itself on guard against acceptance.
      3. The more "Yeses" we can at the very outset induce, the more likely we are to succeed in capturing their attention for our ultimate proposal.
      4. Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately.
    6. The Safety Valve in Handling Complaints
      1. Let the other person to a great deal of the talking.
    7. How to Get Cooperation
      1. Make suggestions and let the other person think out the conclusion.
      2. Let the other person think the idea was his or hers.
    8. A Formula That Will Work Wonders for You
      1. Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
    9. What Everybody Wants
      1. Say "I don't blame you one iota for feeling as you do. If I were you I would undoubtedly feel just as you do."
      2. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
    10. An Appeal That Everybody Likes
      1. "A person usually has two reasons for doing a thing; one that sounds good and a real one." -- J.P. Morgan
      2. All people you meet have high regard for themselves and like to be fine and unselfish in their own estimation
      3. When J.D. Rockafeller Jr. wished to stop newspaper photographers from snapping pictures of his children, he appealed to the nobler motives. He didn't say "I don't want their pictures published," No, he appealed to the desire deep in all of us, to refrain from harming children. He said: "You know how it is boys, you've got children yourselves, some of you. And you know it's not good for youngsters to get too much publicity."
      4. Appeal to the nobler motives of the other person.
    11. The Movies Do It. TV Does It. Why Don't You Do It?
      1. Dramatize your ideas with showmanship
    12. When Nothing Else Works, Try This
      1. Throw down a challenge.
      2. "All men have fears, but the brave put down their fears and go forward, sometimes to death, but always to victory" was the motto of the King's Guard in ancient Greece.
      3. The one major motivating factor of work is the work itself. People are motivated by the prospect of a job well done. The chance of self-expression. The chance to prove his or her worth.

  8. Part Four: Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

    1. If You Must Find Fault, This Is the Way to Begin
      1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation
    2. How to Criticize--and Not Be Hated for It.
      1. Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly
      2. Don't start criticism with "You", start criticisms with "It."
    3. Talk About Your Own Mistakes First Before Criticizing Others
      1. Admitting one's own mistaks--even when one hasn't corrected them--can help convince somebody to change his behavior.
    4. No One Likes to Take Orders
      1. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
      2. Always give people the opportunity to do things.
      3. "You might consider this, do you think it would work."
      4. Make suggestions that makes it easy for a person to correct their own mistakes, allows them save their pride and give them a feeling of importance.
      5. Resentment caused by a brash order may last a long time--even if the order was give to correct an obviously bad situation.
    5. Let the Other Person Save Face
      1. Even if we are right and the other person is definitely wrong, we only destroy ego by causing someone to lose face.
      2. "I have no right to say or do anything that diminishes a man in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him, but what he thinks of himself. Hurting a man in his dignity is a crime," -- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
    6. How to Spur People On to Success
      1. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be "hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise."
    7. Give a Dog a Good Name
      1. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
    8. Make the Fault Seem Easy to Correct
      1. Sometimes its just a little fear that stands in the way of correcting a fault.
      2. Use encouragement.
    9. Making People Glad to Do What You Want
      1. Forget about the benefits to yourself and consider the benefits to the other person for doing what you suggest.

A Shortcut to Distinction by Lowell Thomas

The Dale Carnegie Courses

Other Books

My Experience in Applying the Principles Taught in This Book

Index.